PEST HOUSE DETECTIVES
LAND TWO PRISONERS.
MAN WHO BROUGHT SMALLPOX
TO LIBERTY CONFESSES.
Student Who Dared Germs to Catch
Him Placed in Solitary Con-
finement -- Now for
Fumigation!
Smallpox is still raging at William Jewell college, and The Journal's correspondent, the only vaccinated newspaper man in Liberty, and the only correspondent woh is right at the seat of war, or, to be more exact, right in the pest house, got busy last night nad sent a startling story via fumigated long distance telephone, the only fumigated long distance telephone in the world.
Readers of The Journal need have no fear in reading this column, as all type is sterilized before going to the press room.
"Hello! Is this Liberty?" said the Kansas City Journal's smallpox expert at the Kansas City end.
"That's the name of the town," said The Journal's vaccinated staff correspondent, "but technically speaking, this is not Liberty, not Independence, either. This is the quarantine station."
"Good. How is everything at the pesthouse?
NEIGHBORS DOING WELL.
"Well, the neighbors are doing about as well as could be expected. The big news? Hold your ear close to the 'phone.
"The detective bureau got busy today and achieved two distinct victories. Landed the fellow who brought the malady back here after the holidays. Name, Sanford E. Tilton, residence, Allendale, Mo. Came back to college January 5. Showed symptoms on January 17 and on January 23 purchased a pair of eye-glasses."
"What's the significance of the eye-glasses? Wanted to see his finish?"
"No, sore eyes is one of hte earlier symptoms of smallpox. Investigation by our expert sleuths disclosed the fact that the suspect had purchased the eye-glasses after a few days' confinement. Doc, the family physician out here, rounded him up today and we wrung a complete confession out of him. He's not dangerous, but we have him with us. He likes it, too. No doubt that he's the fellow. He sat right next to one of the other fellows who was one of the smallpox pioneers.
LOOKED FOR TROUBLE, GOT IT.
"Yes, another one. Put down this name. Henry Weber, home, St. Louis, admitted to the bar, but still studying. Wanted to catch the smallpox. Came down here when Doc was taking his morning constitutional, crept inside and dared the pox to attack him. Made his getaway.
"What happened?"
"Hold your breath. Doc got indignant, went to the fellow's room, locked him in and announced that he is to be kept in solitary confinement for one week."
"What's that, feed? O, yes. They're feeding him through a crack."
"Had another recruit today. He plays first cornet and when he was brought in he was immediately assigned to the orchestral quarters. lays well and the band concert today showed great improvement. Don't wish anyone any bad luck, but we did need a first cornet.
ANTISEPTIC BATHS ARE ON.
"Basketball was cancelled today and the warmest exercise was the antiseptic bath. This is to be a daily feature until the official fumigation, which is to be inaugurated next Thursday.
"Feature of the band concert for Thursday morning will be 'Hot Time in Old Town Tonight' and 'Smoke Up Some More."
"School will positively reopen next Monday, and Doc (don't forget to mention Doc Hooser's name, he's a D. D. and an M. D. and a real fellow) thinks we'll all be at liberty, literally as well as geographically, by the end of the week. And, by the way, twenty students beat it out of town when the smallpox was first discovered and went home, but that's all been fixed. They're all in a little quarantine of their own at the instigation of the local college officials, who notified the police in the towns where these fellows live to keep 'em confined.
"The first band number is about on. So long."
